You’re not ignoring messages because you’re lazy or don’t care. It’s ADHD overwhelm doing what it does best – shutting you down.
Sound familiar? A notification pops up, and you think, “I’ll reply when I’m in the right headspace.” But then days blur into weeks, and now it feels impossible to respond.
You start beating yourself up, wondering why something so simple feels so hard. Cue the spiral: guilt, self-criticism, and even more overwhelm.
Here’s the truth: it’s not just you, and it’s not laziness.
What’s Really Happening in Your Brain
When you have ADHD, your brain is particularly sensitive to overwhelm. This can trigger a “freeze response” similar to what happens during other high-pressure situations.
Here’s why:
- Perfectionism: You want to respond “the right way” but can’t figure out what that is, so you stall.
- Fear of Disappointment: You worry that you’ve already let someone down and hesitate to face their reaction.
- Task Inflation: The longer you wait, the bigger and more intimidating the task feels in your mind.
This creates a cycle of avoidance, guilt, and even more overwhelm. But here’s the good news: you can break this cycle with strategies that work for your ADHD brain.
One Client’s Story: Breaking the Freeze with a Template and a Deadline
One of my clients came to me feeling completely stuck. Her inbox was filled with messages she hadn’t replied to, and the longer she waited, the harder it got. She didn’t even know how to start a message after so much time had passed.
Together, we created a simple template reply that she could use whenever she felt overwhelmed:
“I’m so sorry for the delay in responding. I really appreciate your patience! I’ll get back to you by the end of the day.”
The template gave her confidence to hit send and start the conversation. But what really galvanised her was setting a clear deadline – committing to follow up by the end of the day. That external timeframe gave her the push she needed to act.
Once she sent that first reply, the momentum carried her forward. For her, the hardest part was getting started, but having a structure and a deadline made it feel doable.
Figuring Out What Works for You
We’re all different, so the most important thing is to identify where you are getting stuck and why. Once you know that, you can create strategies that fit your unique brain.
Here are some additional strategies you can try:
1. Start Small and Simple
Instead of replying to every message, choose just one. Keep it short and low-pressure. Even saying, “Thanks for your message – I’ll get back to you soon!” counts as a reply.
2. Set a Timer
Give yourself two minutes to respond to as many messages as you can. Sometimes a time limit can reduce overthinking and help you just dive in.
3. Create a “Quick Replies” List
Save pre-written templates for common situations, like:
- “Thanks for your patience! I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
- “I’m so sorry for the delay—here’s the info you asked for.”
- “Got it! Thanks for letting me know.”
This takes the guesswork out of what to say and can help you get unstuck faster.
4. Body Doubling
Ask a friend, coworker, or even a virtual accountability partner to sit with you while you tackle your inbox. Having someone present can help you stay grounded and focused.
5. Use AI to Craft Replies
If you’re stuck on what to say, tools like ChatGPT can help. Describe the message and the tone you’d like to use, and let AI suggest a draft reply. This can take the pressure off and help you get unstuck faster.
6. Make It Fun
Pair message replies with a reward, like listening to your favorite playlist or enjoying a snack. The dopamine boost can make the task feel less daunting.
7. Forgive Yourself for the Delay
Late replies don’t make you a bad person. Give yourself permission to move forward instead of getting stuck in self-criticism.
Why It’s Not About Perfection
The truth is, overcoming message overwhelm isn’t about doing everything perfectly – it’s about finding tools that make starting easier. Whether it’s a pre-written template, a time limit, or a buddy to keep you company, the right strategy can turn something daunting into something manageable.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
If this resonates and you’re tired of overwhelm running the show, I’m here to help. Together, we can figure out where you’re getting stuck and create personalised strategies that work for you.
Email me here or DM me on instagram to get started on creating calm amidst the chaos of ADHD. 💌